This is a story of how the esoteric ancient wisdom of Tantra kept me straight on my spiritual path. But first, let me share who I used to be before I encountered a magically transforming experience…
I was an inquisitive child. I asked all the deep philosophical questions that no adult could answer such as, “Why are we here?”, “Who created the universe?” and “What is the meaning of life?”.
Luckily I was blessed with a mother who had embarked on a path of spirituality and took me along for the ride beginning at the age of 10 years old. This certainly influenced and impacted my life significantly. For the next 25 years I consumed and assimilated all the esoteric wisdom that I could find in my quest at that time. I became well educated in the knowledge, practices and rituals of diverse spiritual traditions.
Later, in my adult years, and as a working professional, I created a curriculum that was translated into several foreign languages. I taught seminars to diverse audiences all over the world to spread the teachings I had accumulated from youth into adulthood. I was rising to stardom. However, it didn’t take long before I felt like a falling star.
Upon reflection I realized that the path I took and had great pride in and focused heavily on attaining enlightenment through prayer, intense rituals and a substantial amount of dogma. Fundamentally, it was a very limiting and restricting path aiming to tame bodily desires, seeing any degree of wanting or craving as sin. Sexuality – the very thing from which we emanate from – was heavily regulated by severe rules. This was true even for a married couple.
I found these creeds and doctrines to be irrational and I simply could not resonate with them. They deeply challenged my intellect and common sense. If God gave us this physical body to experience life on Earth, why restrict our joy and pleasure and prevent us from a full fledged exuberant life experience? If the sole purpose of sex is procreation then we are by definition, during sex, creators.
I think we can all agree the extensive and expansive benefits of orgasmic sex on so many levels. So why so many taboos around sex and sexuality? I was confused, lost and aimless – I didn’t know any other path. All I knew is it no longer felt right. I felt like giving up on spirituality all together. I felt frustrated and angry. My soul was calling for something more profound, more all-embracing.
I was in a glass box and I was suffocating spiritually.
It was long after that the universe responded to my cries for help with a messenger. An old friend of mine, who has psychic abilities, felt she had received an important message for me. She told me she had a vision of me – I was in a glass box and I was suffocating spiritually. In her vision the path I was on limited my full spiritual potential. If I continued to follow this path a whole dimension within my being would remain untapped. She urged me to explore sexuality, but couldn’t explain why exactly.
Although I didn’t fully understand her message, I intuitively knew what I needed to do next. Two years prior I had discovered Somananda through one of his spiritual videos. I revisited his website often but never participated in any of his course offerings. I knew I had to take my first BIG step. I immediately registered for the Tantra Massage Therapist Training in Brazil.
Like many, I was nervous about this 10-day intensive retreat. I had barely meditated nor been exposed to nudity in a group setting before. Yet, I knew this is where I needed to be. The impulse came deep from my heart and my spirit.
During the course, I was immersed in incredible tantric wisdom and know-how I had never heard about before. The theoretical and practical teachings of authentic Tantra Yoga and Tantra Massage were revealed.
There was one lecture in particular regarding the human subsystem and substructure and our different energy bodies, which gave me an epiphany. It occurred to me that throughout my entire life I solely focused on the development of the last three bodies only. My practices were highly mental and spiritually based without ever recognizing the supporting role of my physical body and consciously integrating the prana (life force energy) that sustains it. Previously, I was chided into renouncing the body entirely, but now I was learning how to honor my physical manifestation and utilize it fully for spiritual growth and evolution.
Although I always believed in the principles and concepts of energy, I never truly sensed it – in my inner world or my outer world. During one of the practice massage session with a partner, on the fourth day of the retreat, I felt for the first time, so distinctly, the force of the universe flowing freely throughout my entire body. I was blown away with this sensorial experience and wondered how I could have missed this! How did I go my whole life without perceiving my true essence pulsating throughout my being? In that moment this innate subtle energy felt as real as my breath, my limbs and my heartbeat.
My soul was touched, and I cried tears of recognition and reconciliation of my own truth. I felt connected to the world, to every fiber of the universe. The tears continued…tears of joy, relief and utter bliss. As the retreat continued, I found my heart opening more and more, I was releasing the old and balancing and assimilating the new.
Today I am a changed man. I feel and project a deeper understanding of unconditional love. I uncovered a new dimension of God’s love towards myself and share that with others. I felt and continue to feel the healing power of my own innate sexual energy. I try to cultivate presence and detachment in my everyday life and actions. Perhaps most extraordinary of all, this course renewed my love and passion for spirituality. My strength is renewed and I’m inspired for the first time in a long time. My aspiration is fierce.
In short, honoring my sexuality saved my spirituality!
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