How to Heal a Broken Heart

how to heal a broken heart
Founder and Head Teacher

I bet you cannot name even one person among your family and friends who has never experienced pain, loss, or some degree of heartbreak. Or can you?

Heartbreak is inevitable on this quest called life. It can stem from a myriad of everyday situations and circumstances such as a breakup, a messy divorce, the death of a loved one, disappointment, or perceived betrayal.

We assume heartbreak cannot be avoided, but the truth is, it can.

Tantra says with the right tools and by developing and cultivating a very specific and spiritual mindset, you no longer have to fall victim to heartbreak. And if you are currently experiencing a state of heartbreak, don’t worry, this article is exactly for you. Read on for the true meaning of heartbreak and learn how to heal a broken heart. 

Understanding Heartbreak

Step one of broken heart healing is understanding what heartbreak is exactly and the root cause. 

At a basic level heartbreak is a condition of pain and suffering, which is often accompanied by sadness, depression, grief, anger, blame, shame, a feeling of rejection, and/or loneliness.

broken heart
According to Yoga and Tantra, heartbreak and suffering can be avoided. 

In addition to the emotions that can accompany this phenomenon, many of the brokenhearted also report a tangible feeling of pain, heaviness, or tightness in the center of the chest, where the physical heart resides.

Oftentimes with heartache, there is a perceived dynamic of victim and villain – the one suffering feels as though they were betrayed, abandoned, taken advantage of, or have lost something of value and meaning and that someone else is to blame.

Rarely do individuals assume personal responsibility for their potential part in their pain and misfortune. It is much easier to be angry with and blame and shame another person than it is to be angry with ourselves, look in the mirror, and ultimately own our part. Unfortunately, this can perpetuate a lifetime of dysfunctional cycles, failed relationships, continuous and ongoing heartbreak, and suppressed anger that bleeds into all facets of life.

But there is hope! By better understanding the root cause of all heartache and heartbreak, a person is more prepared and more likely to see their role in their misery. Herein lies the golden key and answer to avoiding future or potential heart-wrenching situations and circumstances.

The Root Cause of Heartbreak

broken heart
Buddha said the root of all suffering is attachment…and he was right.

So what is the root cause of heartbreak then? Well, it all boils down to attachment. 

According to Buddha, attachment is the root of all suffering, and he was right.

Attachment originates in the ego and manifests outwardly as cravings, desires, and expectations.

Throughout life, every person acquires a set of predetermined beliefs on how the external world should act, what is right and wrong, what is proper behavior and improper behavior, and so on. This programming starts from birth and is ingrained in our psyche. Sometimes we are conscious and aware of our pre-programmed beliefs but many times we are not and these beliefs are operating in our subconscious mind and play out in our reality. 

We become attached to how life should unravel according to this belief system. As long as individual experiences and interactions unfold according to this ideological construct, a person can maintain a sense of stability, security, and even happiness.

The moment this utopian view falters though, we enter into a state of suffering. The suffering comes because we were attached to a certain idea or outcome and it didn’t manifest as we had hoped. 

What Is Heartbreak, Really?

Heartbreak is a form of suffering fundamentally caused by attachment. We all have needs and desires. It is part of being human. Very often though we outsource the fulfillment of our needs and desires to someone or something outside of us. When that external source of fulfillment is lost or our expectations are no longer met, we experience a feeling of void, disappointment, and maybe even panic. We feel such pain and suffering right in our heart center and it can feel as though the physical heart is actually breaking in half. 

New needs and desires are always forming and thus the cycle continues…

  • We have a need and desire
  • We seek for something or someone to fulfill that desire
  • When said need is fulfilled we become attached to that which satisfies it
  • The thing which fulfills our desire ends and we suffer

We continually form new desires and therefore new attachments, and thus the cycle persists.

When our newest desires are indulged we feel safe, secure, and happy. This respite tends to be short-lived, however, and subject to the law of impermanence where change is inevitable and nothing lasts forever. When desires are fulfilled we are happy and when we lose what was filling that desire we succumb to suffering.

This is the nature of life. It is a roller coaster and can be uncomfortable and unpredictable, especially when we are attached to only feeling the good and avoiding the “bad”. 

“Attachment is the source of all suffering.” – Buddha

What the Ego Says

Heal from a broken heart
The ego is everything the soul is not. It drives us to pursue materialistic goals and to abandon the callings of the soul.

The ego says to be happy you need to pursue things that are outside of you. Lots of money, success, cars, a big house, relationships, material goods, nice clothes, a sexy appearance, vacations, and much more.

The problem here is that when a person reaches what was once deemed to be the “pinnacle of success”, the ego ups the ante and sets new heights that need to be achieved to feel whole and complete. It becomes a never-ending striving battle to reach the unreachable and attain the unattainable.

Soul Talk

how to heal a broken heart
You are the universe in ecstatic motion and nothing exists outside of you. 

In Tantra, the heart is the residence of the soul. While heartbreak appears to be a longing for someone or something outside of ourselves, in reality, it is a longing to understand and know our true selves.

The soul says everything you need is inside of yourself. If the soul had an inner voice it would say, “There is nothing outside of you that can fulfill you as I can”.

Rumi said, “You are the universe in ecstatic motion”. In other words, the universe is unlimited by nature and so are you.

You are an image of the divine and you have access to unlimited love, compassion, courage, willpower, success, health, and wealth already within you. You are whole and complete. EVERYTHING is already inside of you. You do not need to seek outside of yourself. You’re only “job” in this lifetime is to realize this about yourself, and when you do you will no longer look outside of yourself to feel happy, whole, and content. 

No person, place, or thing can complete you or satisfy you fully. Only you can do that. When you discover this and it becomes a fundamental knowing, then desires, attachments, and yes, even heartbreak, become irrelevant and even impossible


Check out our Beginner's Guide to Tantra

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Are the Soul and Ego Opposing Forces?

At the end of the day the ego, and all of its needs and desires, are a decoy that lures us away from the soul, and instead drives us towards a life of materialism and imperialism, under the false pretense that these will satisfy a deeper calling that exists in us all.

Although seemingly corrupt, the ego, and therefore desires, actually serve a great purpose and, are in fact, tools of the Divine. They serve to take us through the endless ebb and flow of life, a roller coaster of joy and suffering and suffering and joy, only to shake us to our core and awaken us to this illusion we call reality. 

When we are shaken to our core and begin to question our purpose and this reality, the true search begins. Then and only then do we seriously seek out a means to end the endless cycle of suffering, pain, and heartbreak and the journey into thyself begins. 

Rarely are we brought to our knees to pray when things are going fantastic in life and all desires and needs are seemingly fulfilled. No, instead we have to be brought to our brink. The suffering has to reach a maximum culmination point before we are humbled and become open to the Truth of who we truly are and why we are here.

In this space and place, we become open vessels, willing to question reality and accept spiritual truths that were previously implausible. We become inspired to take actionable steps to become masters of our lives, instead of slaves of our attachments and desires. 

So, in essence, the ego and all its desires will ultimately bring us back home to our soul selves. They are not opposing forces but rather different sides of the same coin. They work together to help you evolve and grow and realize your true purpose and nature. 

So What’s the Opposite of Attachment?

While attachment is a natural part of life and human nature, it can be overcome, and a state of non-attachment, or detachment, can be cultivated through authentic spiritual practice.

It is important to understand that detachment does not mean a person is cold, aloof, dispassionate, or withdrawn, nor that they have completely renounced all of life.

It is possible to continue to live and enjoy all the exquisiteness that life has to offer while learning and living the art of detachment.


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We Can Only Lose What We Cling To

heal from a broken heart
We can only experience a state of loss if we are attached to something and clinging to it.

In Tantra, detachment is an elevated state of consciousness. It is the ability to truly live from the heart and love wholly, fully, and completely while never losing sight of who you really are and what is your true nature. 

A person in a state of detachment understands the structure of the universe and the nature of reality, while also accepting impermanence. They know that reality is an illusion and that the only guarantee in life is change. Those who are detached can roll with the punches and not get lost in the ebbs and flows of life. 

In this state, the actions or inactions of others, the loss of possessions, or the ending of a relationship, are no longer relevant or determining factors of a person’s impending happiness. The possibility of heartbreak is eliminated, and a person is freed from the clutches and cycles of pain and suffering. Just by realizing this alone, you can heal from a broken heart. 

How to Heal a Broken Heart

Hopefully by now you understand that the best way to get over a broken heart and avoid future heartbreak is by learning detachment.

Detachment is the path to recovering from a broken heart and discovering freedom. 

Learning detachment is a lifelong path and one that requires an earnest desire to leave behind old thoughts, beliefs, and patterns in order to elevate oneself to the next level.

If you start to regularly implement the tools outlined below, you will begin methodically breaking down all the walls and barriers that prevented you from living your best life, while also tapping into the magic and mystery that makes you you. 

1. Manage and control your emotions

By learning how to manage and control your emotions you are taking a HUGE step towards developing detachment and mending a broken heart. Check out this other blog I wrote, “Top 3 Yoga Poses for Controlling your Emotions“. By practicing these 3 yoga poses daily you will not only be able to heal heartbreak but gain authority over your emotions. 

2. How do I get over a broken heart?

One way to heal a broken heart is to meditate. I created this guided meditation which takes you on a journey into your inner self. Understanding your true nature more and more will help you to cultivate detachment and to more fully integrate into this reality without losing yourself or succumbing to suffering.  

3. Study Detachment

The Bhagavad Gita is an epic Hindu scripture set in a narrative framework dialogue where Krishna, a great spiritual giant, wisely counsels Prince Arjuna on yogic ideals, including detachment.

Spirituality: The Way to Spirit

how to heal a broken heart
Authentic spirituality is the only way to transition from ego and attachment to spirit and non-attachment.

An authentic spiritual path is a great gift for the brokenhearted. Studying and practicing genuine spirituality such as Yoga and Tantra the way we teach it here at Somananda Tantra School will help a person to transform all of life’s challenges and hurdles, including a broken heart, into a spiritual opportunity. It is one of the most powerful and profound remedies for a broken heart that I know of. 

Spirituality brings a person closer to their spirit, helping them to temper and curb the ego and develop a state of detachment and lucidity. It is here that life becomes bliss instead of a living hell that we are trying to escape.  


Founder and Head Teacher

Spiritual yogi, lecturer, teacher and author, Somananda is the founder and head teacher of Somananda Tantra School.

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Guided Tantra Yoga class at a yoga retreat
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Tantra Yoga Level 1

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Level 1 of the Tantra Yoga Module is a powerful initiation into our energy-based meditative Yoga. In retreat you will learn and practice profound fundamentals of the Hatha Yoga system, Laya Yoga, Karma Yoga, Nidra Yoga, Kriya Yoga (the yoga of purification), and much more. Level 1 serves as an irreplaceable stepping stone and foundation to one’s spiritual growth.
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