Healing Sexual Trauma Through Tantra: A Path to Love and Intimacy
17 January Jan 2025
Meet Ilse.
She’s 30 years old and living in the heart of New York City, but her story starts much earlier, in a small town near Mexico City.
Like so many of us, Ilse spent years searching for love, healing, and for something deeper she couldn’t quite name.
Her journey certainly took her through unexpected twists, but it wasn’t until a breaking point in her marriage that Ilse discovered the transformative power of Tantra, and her life was never the same again.
Discovering Energy Beyond the Ordinary
Ilse always thought she’d grow up to be a doctor. Helping people and making a difference was her dream. But as she got deeper into her studies, something didn’t quite click.
She realized she wanted to help others in a different way but didn’t yet know how.
At 19, Ilse discovered energy healing practices like Reiki while exploring the medical field. Though it intrigued her, she set it aside, thinking, Maybe someday.
Her upbringing in Roman Catholicism also sparked spiritual curiosity, but religion didn’t answer her big questions about life and connection.
Still, the idea of something greater stayed with her, even if she wasn’t sure what that “something” was.
After leaving a six-year relationship that felt energetically misaligned, Ilse took a bold step. A friend invited her to Puerto Vallarta to work in the spa scene, and she moved away from her hometown near Mexico City. It was intimidating, but it was the fresh start she desperately needed.
In the luxurious wellness world of Puerto Vallarta, Ilse thrived, quickly learning massage therapy. A colleague introduced her to Tantra and even gave her a book, but Ilse wasn’t ready to explore it just yet.
After enduring sexual trauma, the idea of Tantra felt too tied to sexuality for her to embrace at the time.
The idea of something greater stayed with Ilse, even if she wasn’t sure what that ‘something’ was.
When Love Hit a Roadblock
From Passion to Disconnection
Fast forward a few years, and Ilse found herself swept into a whirlwind romance with her now-husband. Things moved quickly. They fell deeply in love, and started building a life together.
But soon, cracks began to show.
Ilse and her husband were struggling with intimacy. Their conversations were shallow, their connection felt distant…the spark was dimming just as fast as it had ignited. Their nights often ended with them scrolling through their phones and avoiding the growing void between them.
When Sexual Trauma Resurfaces: A Wave of Pain
In 2019, Ilse’s world was turned upside down. The person who had abused her at just 14 years old was caught. The sexual trauma she thought she had buried surged back with overwhelming force. Ilse found herself consumed by memories and pain that she thought were long behind her.
“I completely shut down sexually,” she admits. “I couldn’t even connect with myself, let alone with my husband.”
Their already rushed and unsatisfying intimacy disappeared entirely. Her husband, eager to support her, felt powerless. He struggled to manage his energy during their rare moments of intimacy, which left him drained and her feeling even more disconnected.
“I knew there were a lot of blockages for both of us, and we both had triggers that we needed to work on,” Ilse says. “For me, it was from my past sexual trauma. I had a lot of trauma I needed to heal from.”
Remembering Tantra: A Spark of Hope
Their struggles weren’t only emotional. Ilse carried a constant fear about her fertility due to a medical issue that left her with only one ovary. This anxiety compounded the growing distance she felt with her husband and created an overwhelming sense of hopelessness. The stress and anxiety built up emotional walls that neither of them could break through, a common challenge for those working on healing sexual trauma.
By early 2024, everything had reached a breaking point. Their relationship was hanging by a thread, and Ilse knew something had to change.
That’s when Ilse remembered Tantra. The memory of it stirred something deep within her, like a faint but undeniable flicker of hope. This wasn’t just about fixing their intimacy; it was about reconnecting emotionally, spiritually, and energetically.
Ilse and her husband were struggling with intimacy. Their conversations were shallow, their connection felt distant…the spark was dimming just as fast as it had ignited.
The Path to Blissful Intimacy
A Joint Leap of Faith
A quick online search led Ilse to the Somananda Tantra School, and as soon as Ilse read about the courses, something clicked. For the first time in a long time, she felt a spark of hope. She knew this wasn’t just a course. It felt like a lifeline for addressing deeper challenges, including healing sexual trauma, and reconnecting on all levels with her husband.
Convincing her husband wasn’t as hard as she had anticipated. He trusted her instincts and was open to the idea of exploring something deeper.
“At that point I didn’t hesitate,” Ilse recalls. “I booked it and told him I thought I had found a solution. He’s always been open to learning and growing and specifically how to control and manage energy.”
When Ilse explained that Tantra wasn’t just about sex but about spiritual energy and profound connection, he immediately saw the value in it.
Together, they signed up for the Spiritual Tantra Sexuality course, not knowing what to expect but fully ready to dive in together.
Early Struggles: Breaking Through Emotional Barriers
The early days of practicing Tantra weren’t without challenges. Ilse and her husband approached the process with enthusiasm, but the road was not always smooth.
“In the beginning, we were practicing daily,” Ilse shares. “But I think we were forgetting about the part of actually making love. There were a couple of nights where I would get frustrated. I was releasing my own trauma and had a lot of anger that I needed to work on, and he had his things going on too.”
Eventually, they decided to step back and focus on themselves instead.
“So, we decided to work on ourselves first. We were like, ‘we’ll come back to this later.’ We didn’t want to stop, we just wanted to focus on ourselves a little more personally.”
This moment of self-awareness became a turning point, which allowed them to approach Tantra with greater clarity and readiness.
Sacred Weekends: Transforming Intimacy into Healing
Slowly but surely, things began to shift. One of their first steps was to prioritize intimacy. Ilse and her husband made time for connection by setting aside their busy schedules to be fully present with one another. Weekends became sacred for them and a time to truly make love…not just have sex.
“Practically we’ve definitely tried to make more love,” Ilse explains. “I wouldn’t say daily, but we definitely took the weekends to make love. We’ve definitely been elevating the experience to something we never thought was possible, and making love became healing encounters for us.”
These small, intentional actions began to change everything for them.
Transformed Orgasmic Potential
The results were nothing short of extraordinary.
As she and her husband practiced the tantric techniques, Ilse felt herself opening up to her husband in ways she never had before. Walls that had taken years to build began to crumble and were replaced by a flow of love and energy they had never experienced.
Ilse described moments where she felt like she was floating in a universe of love with her energy moving from her yoni to her third eye. These moments were not just physically satisfying but emotionally and spiritually transformative.
Over time, orgasms, once rare for Ilse, became regular and deeply fulfilling. Her husband, too, learned to master his energy, and their encounters no longer left him feeling drained.
“We definitely elevated the experience of orgasms,” Ilse says. “I never had an orgasm with my husband except in the beginning of our relationship. At first he thought it wouldn’t be possible for me to have an orgasm each time we had sex. He had said we couldn’t ‘do the honeymoon experience’ daily…but that was before we had discovered Tantra.”
Together, Ilse and her husband had discovered a rhythm of connection that was healing, balanced, and most of all, profoundly intimate.
A Journey Beyond Fixing a Marriage
This journey wasn’t just about fixing a struggling marriage. For Ilse, it was about discovering a new way to love, heal, and connect.
Tantra became not just a practice but a path to rediscovering themselves as individuals and as a couple. And as they continued to explore it, Ilse knew they were only scratching the surface of what was possible.
Ilse and her husband made time for connection, setting aside their busy schedules to be fully present with one another. Weekends became sacred for them and a time to truly make love…not just have sex.
Lessons in Love
Tantra: A Pathway to True Intimacy
If there’s one thing Ilse wants people to understand about Tantra, it’s this: it’s so much more than just sex. Sure, tantric sex is part of the equation, but for Ilse, she’s discovered Tantra to be a doorway into a holistic path for healing and self-discovery.
“Everyone is having sex,” Ilse says, “but no one is making love.”
Through her journey, Ilse has learned that intimacy is about much more than the physical act. It’s about understanding yourself and your partner on a soul level. For Ilse, Tantra has become a practice of presence, creating space for true intimacy to flourish.
Breaking Through Emotional Blockages
Tantra taught Ilse that clearing emotional and energetic blockages is essential to experiencing a healthy and fulfilling connection. This wasn’t just about learning techniques. It was about doing the inner work to heal and grow together.
“It feels like we are more there for each other and understanding each other’s needs, and we’ve learned so much more about each other, and not only as a couple but as individuals,” Ilse explains.
She found that the more they worked on themselves individually, the stronger their connection became as a couple.
Prioritizing Intimacy in a Busy World
Her biggest piece of advice for couples struggling with intimacy?
Make time for it.
Life is busy and stressful with everything that comes with work and responsibilities, but intimacy has to be a priority. It’s not about making love every single day but creating sacred spaces in your life where you can truly connect.
“I believe this has brought us into another level of consciousness where we are both on the same frequency, like this is what we really need to do on our path for,” Ilse reflects.
Patience and Perseverance Lead to Profound Rewards
Another lesson Ilse learned is that patience is key. The changes didn’t happen overnight. There were moments of frustration and even setbacks, but sticking with the Tantra Sexuality practices brought profound rewards for Ilse and her husband. The journey also became a way of healing sexual trauma, allowing them to grow together on a deeper level.
“We had to commit to the process, even when it was challenging,” Ilse shares. “But the results have been extraordinary, and it feels like we’re living on a completely new level of connection.”
“Everyone is having sex,” Ilse says, “but no one is making love.”
Tantra has become a way of life for Ilse and her husband. They believe Tantra is about being open and vulnerable with your partner and intentional with your energy.
And while Ilse acknowledges that not everyone needs to dive fully into Tantra, she believes that even a little understanding of these principles can bring about incredible transformations.
Her message is simple: don’t settle for superficial connection. With the right mindset and Tantra practice, intimacy can become a source of deep joy and spiritual growth for any person.
Sharing the Gift of Healing
For Ilse, the impact of Tantra didn’t stop with her own healing from sexual trauma. As her personal life transformed, she felt a growing desire to share this energy and wisdom with others. Since she was already a skilled massage therapist, she began incorporating what she learned about Tantra and energy into her work.
“I used to believe in sexual freedom when I was younger, thinking I could do whatever I want,” says Ilse. “But looking back at it now, it was so empty!”
One client came in expecting a routine massage, but as Ilse worked, she could feel the tension and energetic blockages in his body. Without saying a word, she could sense he was carrying unspoken burdens, including deep sexual frustration.
Eventually, the client opened up and admitted he was struggling with intimacy in his marriage. By the end of the session, he thanked Ilse, saying he felt lighter as if a weight had been lifted.
Later, he shared that their session had helped him reconnect intimately with his wife.
Moments like these confirmed for Ilse that she was on the right path. Through her practice, she saw how small shifts in energy could lead to profound changes in people’s lives.
Intimacy as a Path to Happiness
Ilse’s personal journey has been a guiding light for her work with others.
“We have had a lot more intimacy and we’re definitely happy. Every single time we’re reassured that this is the right path for us,” she shares.
The happiness she and her husband have found continues to inspire her to help others find their own paths to fulfillment.
Ilse’s advice to others is simple yet powerful: “You don’t have to become a full-on tantric person if you don’t want to. But at the very least, I think everyone should try to have more spiritually elevated sexual encounters.”
The Future: Living with Intention
Her journey is far from over. Ilse and her husband continue to deepen their practice by incorporating Tantra into their daily lives through meditation, conscious intimacy, and constant learning.
Their relationship is no longer just a partnership; it’s also a source of spiritual growth and mutual understanding.
Looking back, Ilse marvels at how much her life has changed since joining the Somananda Tantra School. From the pain of trauma to the joy of deep connection, she has transformed her life step by step.
“Tantra showed me that healing from sexual trauma is possible, even when you think it isn’t,” Ilse says.
She hopes her experience inspires others to take that first step, whether it’s healing past wounds, reigniting intimacy, or simply exploring a new way of connecting.
Liisa Maimon
Founder and Senior Teacher
An inspiring tantric yogini, Liisa is a strong driving force of the school – both as a senior teacher and general manager.
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