Sexless Marriage Revival: Tantric Practices to Overcome a Dead Bedroom

If your bedroom has become a “deadroom” and you find yourself living in a sexless marriage then this article is just for you.

Modern research has found that one in seven couples are in a marriage without sex these days. Dead bedroom syndrome is on the rise and healthy and happy sex lives are on the decline.

This is a great travesty according to Tantra. Sexuality is a fundamental need of a human being and a key pillar for wellness and mental health. It is as essential as food or sleep.

Some would even say that sex is the glue that holds a marriage together and without it, the culture of the marriage will suffer and so will the longevity of the relationship.

The question is of course, can a marriage survive without sex? This is not to say a couple cannot learn how to live in a sexless marriage but doing so very often leads to a feeling of dissatisfaction, resentment, and frustration in one or both partners.

Are you ready to learn how to fix a sexless marriage? Then read on, as this article aims to unpack the when, why, what, and how of a sexless marriage from a tantric perspective. You will find here practical solutions and tools that you can start implementing today for sexual rejuvenation and to revive your marriage.

In this article you will find:

• What is a Sexless Marriage?
• Sexless Marriage Causes
• Sexless Marriage Effects on a Husband
• Sexless Marriage Effects on a Wife
• How to Fix a Sexless Marriage?
• How Tantra Can Revive a Dead Bedroom and Your Marriage

What is a Sexless Marriage?

According to the Social Organization of Sexuality, a marriage is considered sexless when a couple isn’t engaging in sexual activity at all or has minimal sexual encounters. Some experts in the field say that minimal sex is sexual intercourse 10 times or less per calendar year. These definitions are very subjective, however.

It can be somewhat difficult to define when exactly a marriage is lacking intimacy as every couple is different. What could be considered a sex-starved marriage for one couple could be a perfectly balanced and fulfilling sex life for another.

In other words, a sexless relationship shouldn’t only be defined by the frequency of sexual intercourse but also according to the quality of the sex, the desires and sexual appetite of each partner, and the level of connection and intimacy outside of the bedroom. Other factors that should be taken into consideration as well are the age of each individual in the coupleship, cultural and religious norms, and sexual history.

Additionally, it is natural for a couple’s sex life to go through ebbs and flows. There will inevitably be sexless periods and sex-filled periods.

Ultimately, you get to decide whether or not you fit into the societal definition of a sexless marriage, keeping in mind that little to no sexuality doesn’t necessarily equate to a loss of intimacy in a partnership.

It really boils down to how you think and feel about your sex life. If there is a part of you that thinks or feels your sex life is a problem it will manifest as a problem in your relationship.

Maybe you are having less sex than you think you should be having but both you and your partner are fine with it. In which case, carry on. If the frequency is concerning, however, don’t panic… there are tantric tools that can help.

Sexless Marriage Causes

If you are in a sexless marriage and you wish to rejuvenate your sex life, then step one would be to look back and narrow down when it first started. Did it start from the beginning of your relationship? In the middle? More recently? Also, was it a steep and sharp decline or a gradual decrease in frequency?

Once you narrow down when it started the next step is to try to pinpoint the root cause of the sexual decline. Did it begin after a significant life event? Post pregnancy? Is it due to a major illness?

If you are unsure about the root cause of your dead bedroom check out the list below. Here are the most common sexless marriage causes and why couples stop having sex:

• The sexual novelty or attraction has diminished due to a long-term marriage or relationship
• Sexual incompatibilities
• Falling out of sync with your partner, drifting apart, and/or feeling disconnected
• Acute or chronic illness or disability
• Significant bodily or hormonal changes
• Aging
• Unresolved and outstanding conflicts in the relationship
• Communication problems
• High levels of stress
• Worry, anxiety, fear, depression, and/or other mental health issues
• Grief or great loss
• Major life changes
• Betrayal in the case of affairs, dishonesty, finances, etc.
• Sexual blockages and/or societal sexual stigmas
• Sexual dysfunctions such as erectile dysfunction (ED) and premature ejaculation (PE) in the case of men and anorgasmia in the case of women
• Unresolved trauma – physical, mental, emotional or sexual
• Pregnancy and Birth
• Side effects from medication
• Lack of sexual education and inexperience (i.e. unskilled partner)
• Crossing boundaries and disrespect in the bedroom
• Substance abuse and use
• Cultural or religious differences
• Asexuality

Can any of these reasons explain why your marriage is lacking intimacy?

The Link Between Our Emotions and Sexuality

Let’s face it, men and women view sex in a marriage in very different ways. Not only that but they differ in their bodies, hormones, thinking, and how they emote, feel, and approach sex.

We cannot ignore that these gender differences exist when it comes to sexuality and sexual energy. And while some of these differences are what make sex magical and magnetic, other disparities can cause tension and misunderstandings in the relationship.

One example of said differences between men and women is the fact that men’s sexual energy is like fire – it ignites and gets hot and steamy quickly but it also extinguishes quickly. Women’s sexuality, on the other hand, is more like water. It takes some time to get it hot and boiling but once it does it can stay hot for some time.

Men and women also differ greatly when it comes to the emotional side of sexuality. Men connect emotionally through sex while women need emotional connection to have sex. Or in other words, men need sex to relax while women need to relax to have sex.

You can see how these differences can transform a bedroom into a deadroom if not properly tended to in a marriage. Luckily though, we have Tantra.

Tantra has studied these gender differences in sexuality extensively and has specific teachings that educate couples on how to bridge the gap and create transcendental sexual and spiritual experiences in the bedroom. The tantric teachings also teach couples how to embrace some of these differences and capitalize on them for personal growth and spiritual evolution.

Our Spiritual Tantra Sexuality and Tantra of Relationship courses are where you will find answers and solutions to these gender differences. Addressing these differences alone could be the key to fixing a marriage without sex.

Sexless Marriage Effects on a Husband

It is because of these differences in sexuality and emotions, that a sex-starved marriage will affect men and women differently.

Sexless marriage effects on a husband may include:

• Unworthiness
• Sexual frustration
• Anxiety and/or depression
• Stress
• Low self-esteem
• Emasculation
• Workaholism as a coping mechanism
• Infidelity
• Porn addictions
• Communication breakdowns

You see, many men define their manhood according to their sexuality. When facing sexual rejection – either due to rejection from his partner or because he is unable to rise to the occasion – a man may start to question his value and feelings of not being good enough can creep in. Shame is very common as well. A man’s masculinity comes into question in a marriage and their purpose is very often reduced to just a provider.

Sexless Marriage Effects on a Wife

While there are some overlapping effects that a sexless marriage has on husbands and wives, there are some unique ones that apply to women specifically.

Sexless marriage effects on a wife may include:

• Eroding feelings of love, connection, and intimacy
• Feelings of abandonment and neglect
• Feeling deprived
• Disconnection from her femininity and sexual power
• Lack of confidence
• Becoming hardened and closed down
• Bitterness, resentment, and even hatred towards her husband
• Feeling unloved
• Deep loneliness and isolation
• Guilt
• Poor body image
• Infidelity

While men tend to desire physical oneness, women deeply desire emotional oneness. If emotional safety and security are not present in a relationship, a woman is less prone to and interested in sex. Touch, attitudes, actions, words, and the whole person stimulate the woman. When trust is not cultivated or present, it is difficult for a woman to open herself fully and surrender to a sexual experience.

Can Marriage Survive Without Sex?

How to live in a sexless marriage and do you want to?

This is a question only you can answer. There is no “one size fits all” when it comes to sex and marriage. 

For some couples, sex is essential for a healthy marriage and something that enriches their love and connection to one another. It provides an outlet to express their affection and desire physically and is the glue that keeps their marriage intact. For others, marriage without intimacy is not an important factor in maintaining closeness and connection. 

Some couples in long-term relationships may have lost the desire to have sex with each other, but that doesn’t necessarily equate to a loss of emotional intimacy.

Other couples may have regular sex but still feel emotionally disconnected and abandoned. Sex void of intimacy isn’t always satiating sexual desires. You may think that sex and intimacy are too intertwined to exist independently and yet they can and often do just that (see more below).

It really boils down to whether you and your partner are on the same page. If you are, then you will find the magic formula that allows your partnership to thrive regardless of sex or no sex.

24 August Aug 2016 Blog article

The Connection Between Sex and Spiritual Evolution

Sex vs Intimacy

Sex isn’t always necessary to have a healthy and vibrant relationship and an intimate connection with your partner. Sex and intimacy are not the same thing although they are often used interchangeably. Ideally, they are deeply intertwined during sex and outside of sex for true satisfaction and fulfillment. However, intimacy can go beyond the physical act.

Intimacy in the form of sex is only one kind of intimacy. True intimacy occurs at the emotional level. It is multifaceted and should involve trust, rapport, and vulnerability. Intimacy can be cultivated even without physicality. In fact, there are three types of intimacy…

1. Emotional intimacy: involving a deep feeling of closeness and trust
2. Physical intimacy: includes touching in a way that enhances feelings of closeness and desire. Physical intimacy does not have to equate to sex, although it can.
3. Sexual intimacy: a type of physical intimacy that combines the physical act of lovemaking with emotional closeness and trust

As you can see, there are ways to cultivate intimacy outside of the bedroom and sometimes this is enough for a couple to feel satisfied and for their marriage to thrive.

If you are considering separation or divorce as a result of a marriage without sexual intimacy, take a step back for a moment and ask yourself, do you still feel comfort, trust, and love for your partner? Sexlessness can certainly be one factor leading to the demise of a marriage, but it doesn’t have to be the only factor.

How to Fix a Sexless Marriage?

If you and your partner are looking to fix a sexless relationship then here is a step-by-step guide to accomplish just that. The key to healing past wounds and fixing your sex life is communication, vulnerability, and willingness from both partners.

1. Closing Gaps. Step one is to close the gaps on any outstanding issues and conflicts. It helps to narrow down what initiated the sexual decline and then work upward from there. This requires a lot of patience and understanding as well as giving your partner the ability to express themselves freely without blame, shame, or judgment. This doesn’t mean you must agree with your partner’s point of view. You can still feel empathy for your partner’s grievances and for unintentionally hurting their feelings without accepting responsibility unreasonably.
2. Negative Thinking. If you want to move productively forward in your relationship, it is necessary to forgive and forget the past and stop thinking negatively about your partner. The more you begin to appreciate your partner and express gratitude, the more the intimacy will build and the more fertile the landscape will be for a healthy sex life.
3. Sexual desires. Sexual rejuvenation can only be achieved if both partners are clear on their own wants, needs, and desires as well as their partners when it comes to sex. First, you need to get clear on what your ideal sex life looks like. What do you need to feel sexually satisfied? Try to be as vulnerable and open as possible here.
4. Talk about sex. If you want to fix a sexless marriage, it requires open and honest communication about sex. Get in the habit of talking with your partner regularly about sex. You can share fantasies, express gratitude for your recent lovemaking session and what you loved about it, plan your next sexual encounter in advance to build up anticipation, and so on. You can get creative.
5. Healthy sex life. Define what constitutes a healthy sex life for you and your partner in terms of frequency. If your desires are vastly different in this department, try to find a happy medium to start keeping in mind that this element of your sex life can change according to the seasons of your life. For example, less busy times can allow for more sex while more busy times may result in less sex.
6. Be flexible. Sex will go through ebs and flows in all coupleships. It is important to be flexible and adapt according to life’s circumstances. If there are periods of sexlessness in your marriage, seize the opportunity to become sexually independent and explore your sexuality solo. Create intimacy within yourself and find ways to expand your pleasure potential. Tantra offers many tools to do just that.
7. Just do it. Many couples can get lost in analysis paralysis and talk too much about their sex life. If it has been a long time since you and your partner have engaged sexually, it may feel intimidating or even scary to rekindle this aspect of your relationship. Of course, you should never have sex unless you are 100% aligned with it. However, assuming all the essential elements are there, less talking about the deed and more actually doing the deed is what is needed to fix a sexless marriage.

How Tantra Can Revive a Dead Bedroom and Your Marriage

Somananda Tantra School is a great resource for couples who wish to revive their dead bedroom. We offer a variety of courses pertaining to relationships and sexuality that walk you through the ABCs of productive, healthy, and sustainable relating.

In the meantime, here are just a few tantric tools you can implement today for sexual rejuvenation in your marriage and to fix your sexless relationship.

Transfiguration Ritual

Step 1 – Transform your room into a sacred space.

You can light candles, use incense, dim the lights, and play soft background music that resonates with the heart chakra. Try to create a relaxing and peaceful environment free of any distractions such as cell phones, television, kids, pets, etc.

Step 2 – Start by connecting with your partner.

You can do this by sitting in front of each other and staring each other in the eyes, doing this guided meditation for love, or sharing your deepest desires and gratitude for one another. These are just some examples. You and your partner can choose how to create connection that suits your intimacy style.

Step 3 – Now you can begin the transfiguration of your partner.

Transfiguration essentially means that you are seeing your partner as an image of the Divine. You see past their physical attributes and physical body and attempt to peer into their soul. You do this by staring at your partner continuously with your eyes opened. You can gaze into his or her eyes or just generally stare at their figure. The more you do this the more their physical body will start to become blurry. They can even start to transform into a God or Goddess before your very eyes. Sit in front of your partner with the spine straight and play this track of music in the background. Transfigurate your partner for 10-15 minutes.

Step 4 – Meditate on your Supreme Self.

At the conclusion of the transfiguration, play this track of music. Close your eyes, sit with the spine straight in a comfortable position, and focus on the top of your head, the crown chakra. Try to meditate on your Supreme Self, your true nature.

Massage

Sensual and loving massage is an excellent way to connect with your partner and rebuild intimacy. You don’t need to be a trained or skilled therapist necessarily. You can watch some YouTube videos to learn some basic techniques or better yet, join one of our Tantra Massage Trainings to discover a very pleasurable, healing, and ecstatic form of touch.

The key is really to just be present during the massage and to allow your partner to feel loved, appreciated, and nurtured through your touch. Massage can be a great prelude to lovemaking or just a devotional act to rebuild trust and rapport if you have been in a sexless relationship for some time and are not ready to take the full plunge yet.

Tantra Massage Therapist Training

Part of Tantra Sexuality Module

Learn more

Take turns fulfilling your partner’s sexual desires or love language

It turns out that every person has a love language. This is how a person receives and expresses love in a relationship. The first step is to discover what your partner’s love language is (there are several books on the topic) and then to plan a day or even a week where you are helping them to feel loved and appreciated in their own love language through your deeds, actions, and words.

Instead of the love language, you could also do this according to your partner’s sexual desires. Here you can plan a sexual experience that specifically caters to their sexual needs and wants.

Practice Tantra Yoga for Healing and to Elevate Yourself Spiritually

Tantra Yoga is not just ordinary Yoga. It is a type of Yoga that not only stems from the ancient tradition but it also incorporates energy into the practice.

Tantra Yoga is not for stretching, a way to exercise or tone the body, or to make you more limber. It is a spiritual type of Yoga that is very powerful and touches you on all the layers and levels – physically, energetically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

When practiced correctly, Tantra Yoga can transform you from the inside out and completely change your life. Tantra Yoga has been known to…

• Heal your physical body from aches, pains, and disease
• Help you to control your emotions
• Heal your heart in the case of a broken heart
• Bring about a more positive and optimistic mindset and perception of life and love
• Purify your mind, body, emotions, and soul

If you want to try out Tantra Yoga for yourself and see how it can positively impact you and your relationship, check out these free guided Tantra Yoga classes: Tantra Yoga Class 1 and Tantra Yoga Class 2.

Remember, as with anything in life, it is important to practice regularly in order to see real, long-lasting results and changes.

Rebuild Polarity in Your Relationship

To thrive, a relationship needs both masculine and feminine energies present. These contrasting energies are similar to a magnet’s negative and positive charges. It is what we call polarity and polarity is the driving force behind a successful relationship and deep sexual intimacy.

Feminine energy is the yin energy. It is the energy of receptivity, action and activity, emotions, and connectivity. While the masculine energy is the yang energy. It is emissive in nature and represents consciousness and solidarity. It brings about a state of equilibrium when balanced and harmonious.

Both the masculine and feminine energies must be present in order for a relationship to succeed. This is true for same-sex couples as well as opposite-sex couples. In opposite-sex couples it is ideal, however, if the woman expresses the feminine energy since this is her inherent nature and the man brings the masculine energy to the table.

If your marriage is in dire straights, it may be time to assess your roles in the marriage and whether the polarity is still there. If not, taking active steps and measures to reinstate polarity could be exactly what shifts your no-sex marriage into a passionate and epic love story once again.

In Tantra, there are in-depth tantric teachings regarding polarity and how the genders each uniquely contribute to a thriving marriage and sex life. This is a fascinating topic and something you can learn more about in our Tantra of Relationships course.

For example, one way to rebuild polarity in a relationship is by sleeping in separate bedrooms. Despite the negative perception of sleeping in separate bedrooms, experts say doing so can improve sleep quality and therefore improve communication and reduce irritability between partners.

From a tantric perspective, sleeping in separate bedrooms is beneficial more from an energetic perspective. When sleeping, a man is more yin in nature – meaning he is more open and receptive. This receptivity can cause him to absorb even more yin energy from his female partner when sleeping together and in close proximity. This excessive yin energy in a man decreases the tension or magnetic pull in the relationship dynamic and polarity dwindles.

Additionally, when you sleep separately, couples begin to miss each other and when apart their masculinity and femininity begin to organically and naturally rebuild as well.

As you can see, just one simple change in a marriage can cause a major positive shift and fix sexlessness in a relationship.

Become a Tantric Sex God or Goddess

Tantric Sex transforms ordinary sexuality into extraordinary sexuality and an ordinary lover into a sex God or Goddess. It is an exceptional way to make love with your partner which reinstates love, intimacy, and profound pleasure.

Tantric Sex is a sophisticated form of lovemaking. It brings spirituality back to sexuality… the way God and nature intended it to be. The tantric sex teachings go far beyond teaching you kinky sexual positions or how to spice up your sex life. The authentic teachings cover topics like…

• How men can become multi-orgasmic
• 7 different orgasms for women
• Restoring and maintaining polarity in the bedroom
• Harnessing and moving energy in sex for out-of-this-world orgasms
• Gender differences in sexuality
• Pleasure curves and trends for men and women
• The secret behind the orgasm

There is much more to learn but these are the highlights of tantric sexuality. If you desire to take your no-sex marriage into a sex-fulled marriage, Tantric Sex is the answer. If you are ready to become a tantric man or woman, our Spiritual Tantra Sexuality course will take you there.

Takeaways

A sexless marriage can thrive and even survive but most couples desire to have a sex-filled marriage and not a sex-starved one. Chances are that if you are here reading this article, it’s because you’ve lost the necessary intimacy that is needed to keep your love alive and flourishing. Don’t sit back and accept sexlessness as normal or inevitable. It is more than possible to bring back the passion between the sheets and reconnect with your partner on that level.

Start to implement the tools I suggested above today and try them for 30 days. I would love to hear what the outcome was and how it affected your relationship. If you are feeling intimidated or don’t know how to start, then join one of our many upcoming courses for tantric sex and relationships. These courses are perfect for people who feel stuck or paralyzed in their relationship and don’t know what the next best step is. Our competent teachers will hold your hand and take you step-by-step through the tantric teachings and practices that will lead you to clarity, confidence, and inspired action!